I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
