some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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