I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
