Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you win again, gameday.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
