This girl is more easily done than said...
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
as a side note pls kill me
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
