I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
