I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
