I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
