I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
