I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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