I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
