A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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