It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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