You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
