i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
