MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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