I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
