She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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