if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you inspire me to be a worse person
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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