Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
