Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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