I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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