worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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