that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
You do realize itβs only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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