I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
accomplished twins. life is a go
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
