Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize