I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
