trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
