I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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