you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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