He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I need help removing her.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
