Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
