i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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