Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
