If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
