Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
