I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
