I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
