my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize