I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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