um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
