I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
