Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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