Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
