ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
