she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize