someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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