i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
