the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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