I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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