Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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