Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she looked like the before picture.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
