Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He kissed a someone with a penis
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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