Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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