angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
