my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Too much gin, very little bucket
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
