He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I enjoy the company of your penis
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
