She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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