yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
