and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
