Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
