ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize