I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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