how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
What did we do last night that was yellow?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
