I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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