it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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