if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
