thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize