Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
