Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
