so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
