Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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