i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
