My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
