we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
