woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
