I just pynch a tree in the face
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize