Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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