By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
