Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
