no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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