Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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