i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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