she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
