I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
