just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
how drunk are you?
Several
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
