he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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