Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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