After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
