hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
