Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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