I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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