i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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