i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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