I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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