I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
