It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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