HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
