Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
