Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
