feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
