carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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